Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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