Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you didnt know i had herpes?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
