Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
