This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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