Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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