So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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