It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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