He asked me if I "almost moaned"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
