I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
