It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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