Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
