Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
