Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
