There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
two words...techno handjob
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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