let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
