I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
