I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize