and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
