If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
