She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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