shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
