I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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