I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't deserve a penis
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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