I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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