Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
