wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
