It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
