think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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