Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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