I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
