Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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