It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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