I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
