does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
