dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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