Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
