Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
