i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
