chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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