No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
