I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
