I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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