yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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