I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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