When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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