i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
