just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize