will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
