I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
