he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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